Day 21 - Ten Thousand Calories, Easily

Author - Grant

From - Outskirts of Fair Haven (NY)

To - Rochester (NY)

Miles Driven - 120ish

Meals - 3

Needless Meals - 2

Today's Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157610132455526/

There's an old adage that claims "you get what you pay for" which, whilst possibly being the most obvious statement ever uttered, can be perfectly defined by the $69 per night motel room we woke up in on the morning of Day 21. Firstly, a combination of being minus 10 degrees (centigrade or fahrenheit - they kind of both merge into the "frikin' cold" category down there) in the room coupled with the all-foam mattress ensured that, whilst trying to sleep, precicely1/4 of your body sweats like a jogger in plastic-wrap whilst the remaining exposed 3/4 is colder than a polar bear's jilted ex-wife. Add to this scene the two flies hovering around the light fixture who traumatised Molly into spending the majority of the evening under the bed and you can be sure we'll be paying more than $100 per night for our accommodation going forward. Well, tonight anyway. Probably...

Anyway, today was all about the food so apologies in advance if this isn’t your thing but this is going to be more of a food blog than normal. Not necessarily because it was good but because it was copious. In fact it was vulgar. A friend told me that, knowing we were in Rochester for just 24 hours, we should eat at either Nick Tahou Hots or Dinosaur BBQ. I’ve never been great at decisions or restraint so the only obvious thing to do would be one for lunch and one for dinner. So that’s what happened…and now I don’t feel so good.

Nick Tahou Hots is renowned/infamous for its “Garbage Plates” and, in summary, they are foul. But they are that weird kind of foul that would keep me coming back week after week if, god forbid, I lived in Rochester. They comprise of a paper plate on which your choice of macaroni salad, home fries and beans (or a combination/permutation therein) is topped with your choice of “protein”. Kate had a burger (well why not) and I had a White Hot which is a white hot dog made of pork (testicles, ears and snout) and veal (testicles, ears and snout) and is the official hot dog of the Buffalo Bills NFL Football Team…surely they would be more effective athletes if they weren’t on the White Hots diet, or am I being too literal again? We’re not done yet…on top of this is thrown a handful of raw onions, some mustard and their house sauce. And this is served with a couple of hunks of white bread just in case the 2kg of food on the plate isn’t enough. The woman who took our order was suitably impressed that we knew how to order properly (thanks for the tips AJ) and she thought my accent was so suave that she wanted me to go round her house to record her answer-machine message. Was it tasty? Not really. Could it kill me? Probably. How big was the grease slick left on the plate? Big enough to take down a flock of geese. Do I want one now? Yes. Kate had stomach cramps walking away from the place and I didn’t eat again for a full hour.

During the 5 hours between lunch and dinner we drifted in and out of food coma and got rid of some chores but when 8pm came round I found myself surprisingly hungry again. Dinosaur BBQ has a place in New York but we never got round to going during our 18 months there hence this was kind of unmissable despite already having had this week’s recommended calorie intake at lunch. The smell of this place hits you before you even enter as the smoker is in the car park and knowing that the ribs I was about to devour had already had 14 hours of foreplay with this magnificent beast just turned up the hunger-ometer from puckish to ravenous. Kate went for some mojito chicken (nice but not the right choice in a proper BBQ place…sorry luv) whilst I had the embarrassingly named “tres hombres” involving ribs (of course), pulled pork (moist, tender, incredible) and beef brisket (oh my lord good). Sides were a tomato cucumber salad, Cajun corn, mashed pots and a carrot/raisin salad (good without exception). Bring on food coma number two of the day.

Luckily the next few days will be light on food. Oh no, it’s Thanksgiving. Speaking of which, we’ll be in Buffalo receiving the incredibly kind hospitality of the Johnsons so I’ll probably put in one Thanksgiving blog over the weekend. I’m not sure how you’ll cope in our absence but don’t go doing anything daft y’all…or, more accurately, y'both.