Author – Grant
Based In – Austin, Texas
Day 119’s Photos – http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157614775962523/
Day 120’s Photos – http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157614776055389/
After yesterday’s tosh day, we woke up today determined to have a good one but clearly the gods aren’t on our side at the moment as the day started with some shitty news from home. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be on permanent vacation but sometimes it’s hard to be so far away from home when things are happening that we know we should be there for. It sucks but I guess that’s what phones are there for. Big up to the little fella – he’
ll be sorely missed.
With a free day to explore Austin, we headed to SoCo (South Congress) to see what most guides describe as the edgy, grungy, real side of Austin. First stop, Doc’s – a bar serving food with a huge outdoor patio. Outdoor drinking and eating in 85 degree heat with the Texas sun beating down surrounded by hot deaf girls (it’s a long story)? In summary, the day was getting better. The food was general bar fodder but the atmosphere was great and if Molly had a couple of opposable thumbs and was willing to pull her paw out of her lazy ass and learn how to drive then I’d have happily sat there all afternoon getting slowly sozzelled. Instead, we just roamed up and down the high street taking in its unique quirkiness and sampling from every store selling edible wares including an olde worlde candy store that sold some mean dark chocolate covered espresso beans (and a fantastic gift that is currently winging its way back to the New York Thursday Club members and hence cannot be revealed here) and a home-made ice cream store that dished out an outstanding Mexican vanilla ice cream. Austin is definitely high up on the list of cities I could live in but unfortunately I would probably burst after a couple of months.
To attempt to work off the afternoon’s excesses, I set off to complete the 15
mile round trip Greenbelt Mountain Bike route from Zilker Park. I’ve only done a tiny bit of mountain biking in the past but after attempting this trail, I am completely understand why we invented concrete and have tried to cover most of the planet in it. The route was bonkers with boulders the size of small cars blocking the path and I managed only a few miles before realising that this supposed leisure pursuit was bordering on life threatening and that my hands were aching from gripping on for dear life. I was passed numerous times by real mountain bikers covered from head to toe in body armour and have to admit at being impressed at their agility but I also noticed that, on average, they weighed about as much as one of my legs. Perhaps I should stick to darts.
Time to put the cultural hats back on and bash some museum time off what feels like a community service sentence. I would hate a whole day in Texas to go by with
out someone telling us how great Texas is so we went to The Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum. First up was an IMAX movie which helpfully explains why Texas is the centre of the universe and how we would all be still living in caves if it weren’t for Texan ingenuity. For example, did you know that Texas invented the micro-chip and “is at the forefront of global technological advancements”? No? Clearly neither do the people in Silicon Valley or any of the Asian powerhouses who seem to be doing just fine without the help of Billy-Bob Walton. But luckily for us, the bragging got even more outrageous than that. Texas used to be a separate country before it became a state in 18somethingorother and hence it has its own Capitol Building which is 100 feet taller than its equivalent in Washington. They also have a monument similar to the Washington Monument but, of course, it’s 15 feet bigger. They even bragged that the state is bigger than the size of England and France combined. Firstly, never compare yourself to the motherland and secondly, combining England and France is about as likely a scenario as next year’s Gay Pride parade being moved from New York to the streets of downtown Houston so at least come up with a plausible comparison. Clearly they are very proud of the ethos that “everything is bigger in Texas”, unfortunately that also applies to the average waist and arse size. I am practically anorexic here…another reason why I could happily settle down. Anyway, size isn’t everything; something Kate reminds me of twice daily. Despite the 45 minutes of pro-Texan propaganda which stopped just short of claiming Ghandi as one of it’s best expor
ts, not a single mention was made of George W…it seems that this is one chapter of history that Texas is keen to gloss over. Still, I’m saving my favourite Texan brag for last. What was the first word said on the moon? That’s right, “Houston” (as in “Houston, the eagle has landed”). All of a sudden I wish I was an astronaut – somewhere in Kirby there would be a museum bragging that the first words uttered on the moon were “Liverpool Suck”…swiftly followed by “Is there seriously no vending machine up here?”. In addition to the film, there’s a three story museum. Go to the web site if you really care what’s in there. Nope, not going to bother? I figured as much.
Despite my failed mountain biking attempt, I was determined to get in some form of decent exercise and with Kate still resting her foot (and eating skittles by the bucket full), it’s a good excuse to get out of each other’s hair for an hour. Like most decent sized cities, Austin is built on a river and they have done a great job turning it into a recreation path for joggers and fat northerners alike. Being part man / part machine, I demolished the 5 mile route which was made very palatable by sights like the largest urban bat population flying out of their cave at twilight to feed and also the best collection of cute girl bums I have seen since arriving in the land of the free. We were to join the Beautiful People later that evening in a bar but I can’t explain what an incentive it is to use these people for encouragement whilst jogging. I justify my borderline legal staring by concluding that it’s nature’s pace-setting device. Larger bottoms are attached to larger people who go slow and should therefore be overtaken. Pert bottoms are attached to slim people who go faster and should therefore be followed. I just feel sorry for the people behind me as I guess I am kind of an anomaly but it would explain the retching noises I often hear in my wake.
Austin night life is all about the music and obviously bills itself as having more live music than three million Nashvilles. In fact, did you know that if you laid out twelve gazillion Idaho’s from end to end then that still isn’t as big as the average Texan sock drawer? Sorry, I digress. It seems that most eateries double as music venues and Lambert’s, our chosen dinner venue, was no different. With a background of live “hard core honky tonk” (if this is hard core, I’d hate to see the sedate variety), we chowed down on some excellent grub and cask ales. We shared a starter of fried green tomatoes topped with a jumbo lump crab salad which was about as perfect as an appetizer can be. As the place boasted its own smoker, it seemed rude not to take full advantage. Kate ordered half a chicken (shocker) and a heaping bowl of cheese covered mash (double shocker) and I attempted to mix things up by ordering beef ribs as I feel I have eaten an entire pig pen over the last few days. Unfortunately the waitress was having none of it and basically ordered me to have the pork ribs instead. Who am I to argue? I can only hope I haven’t angered the pork gods by nearly neglecting them for a meal. Kate’s chicken was excellent – equally juicy and smoky and my ribs were everything you want ribs to be; namely big, tender and tasty. I feel like I’ve used all these adjectives an awful lot over the past few weeks.
As easy at it would have been to stay in this bar drinking fine ales and getting slowly hypnotised by honky tonk all night, we had other venues to hit. “Home of The Blues” is a phrase I have seen a lot outside venues recently but Antones seemed to have a valid claim to the title given the fine array of legend’s pictures on the wall. Even the upcoming artists include influential characters like BB King and Muddy Waters. Not tonight, however. After skilfully sidestepping the $5 cover charge, we had a quick beer whilst watching a band with a lead si
nger who sounded a lot like Sharleen Spiteri from Texas. Well I thought so and Kate didn’t but that’s a very normal occurrence. A couple of doors down was The Lucky Lounge which was hosting Wednesday Jam featuring a bunch of up and coming bands. First on stage was Penny, a solo acoustic guitar player and singer who, unfortunately, did neither particularly well. He did, however, have a very attractive girlfriend which redeemed him entirely in my books. After that was 5 piece band lead by a stoned keyboard player who were also pretty naff although they could all play each other’s instruments which was kind of impressive but will hardly help with CD sales. The last band (Tandoori Finger) were musically sound but fronted by one of the Beautiful People who had been hanging round the bar all night just being beautiful and only talking with people of his ilk. It might be jealousy but he came across as a complete ADD riddled idiot which kind of ruined them for me. Clearly everyone in the bar knew each other well which provided a fantastic live docu-soap and hence Kate had to drag me out soon after rum number 36 as I was getting steadily more critical and loud which isn’t a great combo when so heavily outnumbered. Still, I maintain I could have taken the lot of them as everyone knows a Beautiful Person’s Achilles Heal is their Beautiful Face.
North bound to Arlington tomorrow which might seem like a random choice but it lies perfectly equidistant between Dallas and Fort Worth yet hotels here are half the price. You can take the boy out of the North…
Based In – Austin, Texas
Day 119’s Photos – http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157614775962523/
Day 120’s Photos – http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157614776055389/
After yesterday’s tosh day, we woke up today determined to have a good one but clearly the gods aren’t on our side at the moment as the day started with some shitty news from home. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be on permanent vacation but sometimes it’s hard to be so far away from home when things are happening that we know we should be there for. It sucks but I guess that’s what phones are there for. Big up to the little fella – he’
ll be sorely missed.With a free day to explore Austin, we headed to SoCo (South Congress) to see what most guides describe as the edgy, grungy, real side of Austin. First stop, Doc’s – a bar serving food with a huge outdoor patio. Outdoor drinking and eating in 85 degree heat with the Texas sun beating down surrounded by hot deaf girls (it’s a long story)? In summary, the day was getting better. The food was general bar fodder but the atmosphere was great and if Molly had a couple of opposable thumbs and was willing to pull her paw out of her lazy ass and learn how to drive then I’d have happily sat there all afternoon getting slowly sozzelled. Instead, we just roamed up and down the high street taking in its unique quirkiness and sampling from every store selling edible wares including an olde worlde candy store that sold some mean dark chocolate covered espresso beans (and a fantastic gift that is currently winging its way back to the New York Thursday Club members and hence cannot be revealed here) and a home-made ice cream store that dished out an outstanding Mexican vanilla ice cream. Austin is definitely high up on the list of cities I could live in but unfortunately I would probably burst after a couple of months.
To attempt to work off the afternoon’s excesses, I set off to complete the 15
mile round trip Greenbelt Mountain Bike route from Zilker Park. I’ve only done a tiny bit of mountain biking in the past but after attempting this trail, I am completely understand why we invented concrete and have tried to cover most of the planet in it. The route was bonkers with boulders the size of small cars blocking the path and I managed only a few miles before realising that this supposed leisure pursuit was bordering on life threatening and that my hands were aching from gripping on for dear life. I was passed numerous times by real mountain bikers covered from head to toe in body armour and have to admit at being impressed at their agility but I also noticed that, on average, they weighed about as much as one of my legs. Perhaps I should stick to darts.Time to put the cultural hats back on and bash some museum time off what feels like a community service sentence. I would hate a whole day in Texas to go by with
out someone telling us how great Texas is so we went to The Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum. First up was an IMAX movie which helpfully explains why Texas is the centre of the universe and how we would all be still living in caves if it weren’t for Texan ingenuity. For example, did you know that Texas invented the micro-chip and “is at the forefront of global technological advancements”? No? Clearly neither do the people in Silicon Valley or any of the Asian powerhouses who seem to be doing just fine without the help of Billy-Bob Walton. But luckily for us, the bragging got even more outrageous than that. Texas used to be a separate country before it became a state in 18somethingorother and hence it has its own Capitol Building which is 100 feet taller than its equivalent in Washington. They also have a monument similar to the Washington Monument but, of course, it’s 15 feet bigger. They even bragged that the state is bigger than the size of England and France combined. Firstly, never compare yourself to the motherland and secondly, combining England and France is about as likely a scenario as next year’s Gay Pride parade being moved from New York to the streets of downtown Houston so at least come up with a plausible comparison. Clearly they are very proud of the ethos that “everything is bigger in Texas”, unfortunately that also applies to the average waist and arse size. I am practically anorexic here…another reason why I could happily settle down. Anyway, size isn’t everything; something Kate reminds me of twice daily. Despite the 45 minutes of pro-Texan propaganda which stopped just short of claiming Ghandi as one of it’s best expor
ts, not a single mention was made of George W…it seems that this is one chapter of history that Texas is keen to gloss over. Still, I’m saving my favourite Texan brag for last. What was the first word said on the moon? That’s right, “Houston” (as in “Houston, the eagle has landed”). All of a sudden I wish I was an astronaut – somewhere in Kirby there would be a museum bragging that the first words uttered on the moon were “Liverpool Suck”…swiftly followed by “Is there seriously no vending machine up here?”. In addition to the film, there’s a three story museum. Go to the web site if you really care what’s in there. Nope, not going to bother? I figured as much.Despite my failed mountain biking attempt, I was determined to get in some form of decent exercise and with Kate still resting her foot (and eating skittles by the bucket full), it’s a good excuse to get out of each other’s hair for an hour. Like most decent sized cities, Austin is built on a river and they have done a great job turning it into a recreation path for joggers and fat northerners alike. Being part man / part machine, I demolished the 5 mile route which was made very palatable by sights like the largest urban bat population flying out of their cave at twilight to feed and also the best collection of cute girl bums I have seen since arriving in the land of the free. We were to join the Beautiful People later that evening in a bar but I can’t explain what an incentive it is to use these people for encouragement whilst jogging. I justify my borderline legal staring by concluding that it’s nature’s pace-setting device. Larger bottoms are attached to larger people who go slow and should therefore be overtaken. Pert bottoms are attached to slim people who go faster and should therefore be followed. I just feel sorry for the people behind me as I guess I am kind of an anomaly but it would explain the retching noises I often hear in my wake.
Austin night life is all about the music and obviously bills itself as having more live music than three million Nashvilles. In fact, did you know that if you laid out twelve gazillion Idaho’s from end to end then that still isn’t as big as the average Texan sock drawer? Sorry, I digress. It seems that most eateries double as music venues and Lambert’s, our chosen dinner venue, was no different. With a background of live “hard core honky tonk” (if this is hard core, I’d hate to see the sedate variety), we chowed down on some excellent grub and cask ales. We shared a starter of fried green tomatoes topped with a jumbo lump crab salad which was about as perfect as an appetizer can be. As the place boasted its own smoker, it seemed rude not to take full advantage. Kate ordered half a chicken (shocker) and a heaping bowl of cheese covered mash (double shocker) and I attempted to mix things up by ordering beef ribs as I feel I have eaten an entire pig pen over the last few days. Unfortunately the waitress was having none of it and basically ordered me to have the pork ribs instead. Who am I to argue? I can only hope I haven’t angered the pork gods by nearly neglecting them for a meal. Kate’s chicken was excellent – equally juicy and smoky and my ribs were everything you want ribs to be; namely big, tender and tasty. I feel like I’ve used all these adjectives an awful lot over the past few weeks.
As easy at it would have been to stay in this bar drinking fine ales and getting slowly hypnotised by honky tonk all night, we had other venues to hit. “Home of The Blues” is a phrase I have seen a lot outside venues recently but Antones seemed to have a valid claim to the title given the fine array of legend’s pictures on the wall. Even the upcoming artists include influential characters like BB King and Muddy Waters. Not tonight, however. After skilfully sidestepping the $5 cover charge, we had a quick beer whilst watching a band with a lead si
nger who sounded a lot like Sharleen Spiteri from Texas. Well I thought so and Kate didn’t but that’s a very normal occurrence. A couple of doors down was The Lucky Lounge which was hosting Wednesday Jam featuring a bunch of up and coming bands. First on stage was Penny, a solo acoustic guitar player and singer who, unfortunately, did neither particularly well. He did, however, have a very attractive girlfriend which redeemed him entirely in my books. After that was 5 piece band lead by a stoned keyboard player who were also pretty naff although they could all play each other’s instruments which was kind of impressive but will hardly help with CD sales. The last band (Tandoori Finger) were musically sound but fronted by one of the Beautiful People who had been hanging round the bar all night just being beautiful and only talking with people of his ilk. It might be jealousy but he came across as a complete ADD riddled idiot which kind of ruined them for me. Clearly everyone in the bar knew each other well which provided a fantastic live docu-soap and hence Kate had to drag me out soon after rum number 36 as I was getting steadily more critical and loud which isn’t a great combo when so heavily outnumbered. Still, I maintain I could have taken the lot of them as everyone knows a Beautiful Person’s Achilles Heal is their Beautiful Face.North bound to Arlington tomorrow which might seem like a random choice but it lies perfectly equidistant between Dallas and Fort Worth yet hotels here are half the price. You can take the boy out of the North…
2 comments:
I'm going to need photographic proof of "the best collection of cute girl bums I have seen."
You can tell Kate "Mike made me do it."
Those particular pictures are stored on the un-deletable cerebral camera rather than anything available from Best Buy. I'm happy to share verbal descriptions over a beer or four though...
Post a Comment