Day 93 - Honky Tonk Pe Donk A Donk

Author - Grant
Based In – Hattiesburg, Mississippi
Daunting Miles Driven - 40
Exhausting Miles Ridden - 40

Today’s Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157613578575662/
Our time in Hattiesburg was a deliberate attempt to get back onto the wagon after taking a step down from the exercise routine recently. So, following yesterday’s 16 mile walk, today we casually took on a 40 mile bike ride. I say casually because I, for one, assumed it would be a piece of cake but it turned out that too many pieces of cake recently turned it from a nice ride in the country to a semi-life changing experience.

The Long Leaf Trail is the result of the ingenious Rails-To-Trails project that pours an ocean of concrete over a disused rail track that runs from Central Hattiesburg to Prentice transforming it from a Hobo’s toilet to a nature trail in one move. We drive each other nuts when it comes to cycling together for reasons that have already been well covered in this blog (I am a tyrant and Kate has the leg strength of a drunk child) so we came up with a genius plan basically to avoid each other for the duration of the ride. I dropped her in Hattiesburg to ride North whilst I drove to Prentice to ride south. Mentally this was really damaging for me because you really notice how far 40 miles is (and how undulating the landscape is) when you have to drive it first. I became aware that this was going to be a lot tougher than I originally estimated after about 15 miles when I was already out of snacks and realised I was looking at the cows in the surrounding fields as if they were already tattooed with the butchers dotted lines. Surely they wouldn’t miss a rib to feed a brother in need and I’ve been watching enough Man vs Wild recently to know how to strike up a fire from a leaf and a tooth filling. Anyway, fast forward three hours and the Welcome to Hattiesburg Water Tower, Kate and, most importantly, the car were all very welcome sights for sore thighs. I loved comparing notes over lunch (extremely tasty wraps and soups from Roly Poly) where we both were convinced that the wind was in our faces (the truth is that there was not an ounce of wind that day) and we both saw completely different things…Kate even hallucinated a Llama Farm that clearly doesn’t exist.

Before starting this trip we heavily debated the possibility of travelling via RV or trailer rather than having to find dog friendly hotels everywhere. Furthermore I’ve secretly been a little bit obsessed with the world of RV’ing that no crappy Robin Williams movie could satisfy so today we hit up a showroom to see what our theoretical options would be. First up was the bad news that all Bridget can tow is a glorified tent on wheels (nicknamed the “pikey pop-up”…well, by us anyway). Next option was to explore full on RVs and it soon became clear that the only ones we would seriously consider living in were the size of Guns ‘n’ Roses tour busses. The downside with these apartment-on-wheels is that they also need a car to be towed behind in order to explore towns which would result in us dragging a half kilometre convoy across the country that would leave a monster carbon footprint (and when I say that, clearly I really mean that I am too tight to spend that much on gas). They’re amazing machines but it looks like we’re sticking with Bridget and La Quinta…at least until we hit some of the bigger national parks like Yosemite.

Our hotel is opposite a warehouse looking building with a cryptic and undescriptive neon “Ropers” sign that just begs Googling. So Kate did. The result; it’s a line-dancing bar. Jackpot. And Thursday is $2.50 a beer and free burger and hot-dog night. Mega-Millions Jackpot. The place was a bit quiet to start off but we put in the brave commitment to chug beers for a few hours and it totally paid off as the line-dancing broke out and the evening unfurled into an extraordinary people watching event. The professional line-dancers (meaning the people who actually knew the moves) were really impressive but the real entertainment was provided by the likes of the 65 year old lady dancing deeply inappropriately or the midget wrestlers on their night off from the circus or the young beatch who just flitted around the dance floor taking the piss out of everyone else…all to the sounds of either hip-hop or comedy country (songs like “Honky Tonk Pe Donk-a-Donk”). Platinum entertainment. The worst part of the night was returning to the room to find that Molly had peed all over the bed which was weird as we’d only left her for a few hours.

After such an action packed day, we’re looking forward to a quiet one tomorrow as we head to Alabama. I don’t know what the agenda is but I do know that any moving we doing will be at the expense of petrol rather than muscle power as the ones we have thoroughly deserve a rest.

Day 92 - Quite The Week

Author – Grant
Based In – Hattiesburg, Mississippi
Via – De Soto National Forest, Mississippi
Miles Driven – 80
Miles Walked – 16

Today’s Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157613549436557/

Today was defined by two incredible feats. In reverse order of importance and historical significance, we completed a 4 hour, 16 mile hike through the De Soto National Park and Everton dumped Liverpoo out of the FA Cup with a last minute winner in extra time. We’ll have to wait a couple of months to confirm this but it looks like, in just over a week, Everton have dented Livercrap’s title challenge as well as ending any cup dreams. Let this forever be known as Golden Wednesday celebrated annually with national street parties and fairs. I’ll happily foot the bill.

Anyway, back on track to events that I actually had some control over (although don’t discount the power of positive mental attitude as I still think I played a major part in the ’95 cup win). A quick visit to the park’s visitor centre revealed two hikes, a 24 mile flat walk or a 41 mile “challenging” walk. Now I don’t know what your definition of challenging is but examples for me include ordering salad, juggling three differently sized objects or saying doody without giggling. Walking 41 miles of undulating forest terrain, however, falls into the “insane” category. As such, we decided to tackle the flatter 24 mile Tuxachanie walk and, even then, to only bite off two thirds of it. I think it turned out to be a great decision because we saw some beautiful forest, a perfect lily-pad covered lake, barely any other walkers and, most importantly, none of the black bears or four kinds of venomous snake that hang out in this neighbourhood. Kate even knocked something off her personal list of things she’d never done in the woods before but apparently I’m not allowed to mention that (and I promise you it was nothing saucy). It’s dawning on me that reading about us walking probably isn’t very interesting so I’ll stop talking about that now but it really was very good stuff.

If our day was dull to read about then the late afternoon and evening are going to put you in a coma. Having just checked the storylines of the current top ten thrillers, I notice that none of them contain themes based on Laundromat visits, taking your car to Best Buy to get the Satellite Radio we bought yesterday professionally installed (if I did it, it would pick up Russian radio) or eating dinner at Chilis because it was the closest eatery to Best Buy and they had our car. As such, I’ll not bore you with them as I’m still secretly hoping this blog can pick up a movie deal, book contract or, as a bare minimum, a serialisation in The Sun.

Tomorrow we’re cycling the 40 mile bike path that bored us to death on foot yesterday. Let’s hope it’s a darn sight more interesting at four times the speed.

Day 91 - Cotton Pickin' Marriage

Author - Grant
From – Jackson, Mississippi
To – Hattiesburg, Mississippi
Miles Driven – 87

Today’s Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157613549253655/

Today commemorates precisely two years since Kate and I got married on the idyllic island of Phi Phi in Thailand. It took some reflection and debate for us to conclude that it has only been two years that we have been married because it feels much longer and I can’t work out if that is a good thing (because it feels so familiar) or if it’s a bad thing (because we feel like we’re closer to the seven year itch). Either way, I know that we aren’t likely to make it to our third unless Kate pulls her finger out soon and gets me a belated present. Let me explain. The second anniversary is supposed to be celebrated with cotton which is handy given that we are in the centre of the universe for cotton production. Not only did I get her a cotton related present but I also piled in with a card and something chocolate…although admittedly the last two were bought on the morning of the anniversary. I, however, received jack and at the time of writing this (some 48 hours later) I am still no more cottony. And don’t be fooled by the Reeses Pieces heart you may see me pictured with as I bought that for myself. On the plus side, I now feel fully justified to completely ignore Valentine’s Day which is handy as it falls on the same night as the All Star Basketball Dunk Competition which, if anyone wants me, I will be watching in Hooters.

So given that our current lives are a permanent vacation, it seemed a bit extravagant to celebrate our anniversary with too much panache so, instead, we took the opportunity to chill out and cross off a few chores that have been gathering. For example, we did a bunch of research into the upcoming few days of the trip (something that is particularly time consuming but essential if we are to get the best out of the places we stay in for just a few days) and we arranged to get Bridget kitted out with Satellite Radio because the long journeys are killing us at the moment as we have heard each other’s dull-ass stories at least a dozen times. We took Molly for one of her least interesting walks ever as it was on a 40 mile bike path lined by trees where the view as far as the eye can see in either direction at every point on the stretch we visited is completely identical. And then, in true anniversary style, we had a good old fashioned barney in the car on the way home about directions or some such nonsense.

Still, the night ended very well with a visit to the fantastic, yet strangely located amongst well over half a dozen car dealerships, Thai restaurant, Suwannah. Firstly, I know how cheesy it must sound to have Thai but we both really miss the place and it’s good to reminisce like old people. After being a bit disappointed that they didn’t serve Chang (a top Thai beer that contains formaldehyde and they just happen to sponsor Everton) and that they had run out of Singha, everything that followed delighted. First to hit the belly was a complimentary starter of chicken and rice soup that was more Chinese in style than the molten Thai soups but was tasty nevertheless. The starters we ordered were a fantastic Thai Sirloin Salad (think spicy, fish sauce, green onions, nuts and greens) and deep-fried monster won-tons containing pork, crab and shrimp which were also excellent. We shared mains of Massaman Chicken Curry (ordered because of my wife’s freakish obsession with potatoes in curry) and Scallop, Shrimp and Calamari Pad Thai all accompanied by sticky rice shaped in hearts which, I hope you know me well enough to know, was pure coincidence. A truly fantastic meal and a big thanks to my mum who sponsored it. Free stuff is, without doubt, my favourite stuff. Now if anyone would like to buy us a house then that would be lovely.

The relaxation ends tomorrow as the three of us plan to walk somewhere between 10 and 20 miles in De Soto National Forest, depending on how hilly it is.

Wot No Blog?

No Internet in The Deep South so blogs have been written but cannot be posted until we get to New Orleans tomorrow. Keep your spirits up with some rousing war songs or something.

Day 90 - Over 6 Hours Of...

this...


From - Little Rock, Arkansas
To - Jackson, Mississippi
Via - Northern Louisiana
Miles Driven - 264
Average Road Condition - Terrible
Things Kate Lost - Her Sanity

Things Kate Ate - Anything Containing Chocolate
Today's Major Findings - Arkansas Contains Nothing

Today's Shockingly Dull Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157613259717399/

Nuff said.

Day 89 - Super-Duper Bowl

Author – Grant
From – Memphis, Tennessee
To – Little Rock, Arkansas
Miles Driven – 145

Today’s Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157613206747971/
We ended up in Little Rock today through part laziness (it’s closer than our original destination) and part childishness (we got to cross another state off the list visited).

Memphis sits on a bend in the mighty Mississippi which doubles as the border between Tennessee and Arkansas so it seemed rude not to visit the little square state given it was on our door-step. It seems that the only decent sized metropolis is Little Rock and if we’re to have some atmosphere for the big game then the presence of other people is fairly essential. Little Rock may be the state capital but the place has a really small town feel. Admittedly during our stroll through town centre we only saw people with varying degrees of mental instability but Kate attributed this to the fact that any sane and socially adjusted human would be at someone’s house party which is all the rage for the Super Bowl. Clearly we don’t know anyone in this town so we’d be forced to watch it in a bar along side the town’s social misfits…I couldn’t have been any happier.

In the end, our reckie of the various bars in town centre proved fruitless so we ended up 8 miles west in West End Smokehouse which sported 6 pool tables, over 50 TV screens and a plethora of non-too-shabby bar maids that never let my glass empty once in well over 5 hours of drinking. Those cheeky minxes were clearly trying to get me drunk…mission very much accomplished. After an hour or so of pre-game drinking and spanking Kate at pool (chivalry is dull) we found a decent big screen vantage point sharing a table with local stud Mike (nickname Cliff for reasons I still can’t fathom). This man was the most connected guy in Little Rock is several senses. Firstly he came armed with multiple media devices (including a lap-top) where he could watch the game virtually and via stats if the live pictures weren’t enough. Secondly he knew Chris, the bar manager which might explain our miserly small bill that Kate assures me arrived at the end of the night.

I’ll not walk you play by play through the game as people are paid to do that but we were lucky enough to witness an outstanding game where the right team (the Steelers) won with a touchdown in the final moments. That’s one in the eye for my brother who automatically supports the opposing team to the one I am supporting and I had chosen Pittsburgh because of their fans jaw-dropping dedication during our visit a couple of months back. Whilst the half-time show and the adverts too up way too much of people's attention for my liking, generally the atmosphere in the place was excellent and our fears of being surrounded by nothing but social outcasts proved to be unfounded and much fun was had by all.

The problem with me doing this blog is that I can’t remember anything else that happened after the game but Kate assures me that I was thoroughly embarrassing and made temporary friends with everyone in a 20 metre radius. They say that texting ex’s is the most foolish thing you can do when drunk but I can report, after a day of trying to pick up Molly’s liquid crap, feeding your dog spicy pork rinds should also be pretty high up on the list of things not to do.

Back on the road to Jackson tomorrow as we creep closer to New Orleans...assuming we don't detour again...

Day 88 - Thankyouverymuch

Author - Grant
Based In – Memphis, TN
Interesting Elvis Fact – More Americans watched his “Live From Hawaii” concert than the moon landing.

Today's Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/32017704@N03/sets/72157613166922453/

No time for a clever introduction today. We have lots to cover, the Super Bowl starts in 2 hours and I have no interest in being sober when it begins. So let’s get straight into it…

First thing to note is that we had a great day today but Molly most certainly didn’t. Our “pet-friendly” hotel is a little Gestapo-like with its pet policy and made us sign a hugely unreasonable piece of paper saying that Molly can’t be left in the room alone. Now usually we would completely ignore such warnings because we exercise her into unconsciousness before leaving her meaning that she silently sleeps until we return. However, the paper I signed mentioned a $250 fine and the hotel manager seemed anal enough to monitor our every move so Molly spent the day in a boarding kennel whilst we took on the best of Memphis in one action packed day.

First stop was Graceland, Elvis’s preserved home which he bought when he was just 22. It is considered a shrine to all things 70’s with green shag carpets, velvet curtains, a 15 foot white leather sofa, a glass racquet ball court, mini-bars everywhere and barely a window pane un-stained. It was surprisingly small but that retained a real cosy feel to the place which made it very liveable in…which, I guess, he did. The grounds aren’t so small though and there were a good number of horses roaming around with horse sunglasses on, presumably in homage to their late owner rather than for any medical reason. The grounds also contain the reflective garden where Elvis, his parents and a couple of other Presleys are buried. Apparently the mansion receives dozens of bunches of flowers a day from fans around the world…haven’t these people heard that New Kids on The Block have reformed? There are also a couple of his aeroplanes on show which are also fully decked out by Austin Powers and contain equally needless touches such as 24 karat gold safety belt buckles. Now correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t gold quite soft and would just bend when stressed? Perhaps Elvis is of the same school of thought as me that if you’re on a plane that’s going down, odds are that the waist strap will be about as useful as a chocolate kettle. Perhaps that’s why he always wore jump-suits (of which hundreds from his collection were on show)? Or maybe that just helped him to get serious amounts of tail? Either way, I have concluded that Elvis and I would have been best buds if we were around at the same time.

Next stop, the Lorraine Motel where Martin Luther King was assassinated. There’s not really a lot to say about this as it’s a motel which is now the Museum of Civil Rights. It’s a bit tough to know what to do with photos in places like this. We were pretty sure that doing the famous “pointing at the shooter” pose was unacceptable but is smiling OK or should we have looked sombre? We took the smart route and didn’t include either of us in the photos but then we’re left with a photo of a shitty motel balcony which isn’t very good. I guess what I am trying to say is that it wasn’t really worth more than a few minutes reflection before realising that we hadn’t eaten for more than seven hours.

Cue Redezvous. Jenny, our saucy waitress at Famous Dave’s rib joint in Nashville, had whispered to us that the best ribs in Tennessee can be found down an alley in Memphis. I was excited to discover this local secret but the reality is that it is a legendary place mentioned in every guide book which might explain why it’s the size of an aeroplane hanger and yet there was still a still a 25 minute wait for a table. The phrase “worth the wait” may actually have been coined about this place through as the two slabs of ribs that arrived were pure rib perfection. All the rib adjectives can be accurately applied (juicy, fall off the bone, incredible dry-rub etc) but the attribute that took them over the edge for me was the crust that resembled pyroclastic rock (that’s the crust that forms on magma when it is cooled by exposure to air…trust me, I looked it up). Cooking school taught me that such a crust is caused by the amino acids and proteins reacting to heat which is called Maillard Reaction but this crust was so good it must have been created by magic. I felt clinically depressed when I finished my last bite and I could have easily eaten another rack but I am in danger of turning into a pig so we reluctantly left. I fear having my next helping of ribs (probably for tomorrow’s breakfast) as they just can’t compare to these beauties. If you’re ever in Memphis, go to Rendezvous…even if you’re a vegetarian; it will cure you.

There’s not much to say about that evening’s entertainment. We hit Beale Street which is blocked off to traffic and lined with bars pumping out live music. We did a typical Grant & Kate bar crawl which involves going into one bar and crawling out several hours later. I can’t even remember the name of the bar but there were a couple of bands playing and not one member of either band had to pay for bus rides. Kate felt especially silly begging the 107 year old lead singer for beads but it was well worth it.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday and it appears we are detouring to Little Rock to watch it solely to cross Arkansas off the list of states visited. Go Steelers.